Total Knee Replacement: Week One

Oh my stars I have a lot to tell you guys and some truth to preach on. My surgery went very well. For this procedure, they use an epidural and sedation as opposed to general, which was quite a relief to me. Last time I had general anesthesia I think the person had the hiccups during the ET tube placement and scratched my throat to all hell. This was much better. A little Versed and I didn't really care about the epidural placement or the foley. I even giggled when they asked me to move my leg and I was paralyzed. Oh, and you get a nerve block. I'll come back to that.

Okay, so I'm out of surgery, feeling hungry and since it is SO boring there I

sent Jeremy home. No sense in two of us suffering. I was so excited when I stood up and walked with my new knee a couple hours after my surgery! That bone pain that had been there for over a year was finally gone. Whatever, if I knew then what I know now I would have just patted myself on the head and said "Bless your heart." The next night I was in for a rude awakening. I think that is a pretty adequate term as well - rude. I get that pain is the body's protective mechanism to be mindful, but seriously?! Does it have to hurt THAT much?! My chipper "Can Do" attitude quickly turned to "if you even touch the aura surrounding my leg I will attack you like a feral cat". Enter: Dilaudid.

So I am on pretty heavy narcotics anyway and then my awesome nurse John encouraged me to keep my pain down. All I can say is "Ahhhhhh". Once I knocked it down it was easier to keep it that way. As a nurse, I know this. As a nurse who is a patient I was telling myself "just wait it out and see if it will cool off..... try and be tough..... you don't want to look like one of "those" patients." Yeah, I got over that really quick. Pain is humbling that way. Thank God for nurses who are encouraging, understanding and there to cheer us all on. 

I will add a little side note here - I fixed my hair and makeup every day with the exception of my surgical day and still do now that I am at home. I may feel like

dirt, but I don't have to look like it. I'm going to kick ass recovering from this and look fabulous while doing it. Oh! My favorite moment was when RT came in the room and asked if the patient was in the bathroom because I looked so fabulous. That's right, three snaps in a Z formation, now hand me my incentive spirometer. 

Being launched to home was a blessing and a curse. Now I can get up whenever I want without a "spotter" or having to use a call light and I'm with my family. The downside is no more Dilaudid. Yeah, that sounds sketchy, but I thought the nerve block had worn off but noooooooo. Oh, girl. It was just playin' with me. Lord mercy, it hurts. It hurts so much that Jeremy had to make a call into the doctor for me, we adjusted some dosages and times of my prescribed medications and I felt sane again. It's just a constant balancing act. Some parts

of the day you are great, then you go lay in bed watching reality TV and cruising Craig's List missed connections boards for a laugh. 

I think I should mention going to the bathroom. It's not just the TMI part about having to use a fleets a couple of times (if you don't know what that is, google it. For a better laugh, next time you are at the store check out the directions printed on the outside of the box!), but maneuvering onto the toilet is like tai chi. My surgery leg can't bend yet, I have handles to lower myself down and you  gotta think ahead because this all takes 10 minutes to get there and get into position. Your bladder does not want to give up the goods when your leg is spazzing out. I pretty much pee like a little old lady without the incontinence. 

Sleeping has definitely got better over the past couple days. You'd think with all those narcs on board I would sleep like a baby. Yeah, not so much. My knee would spasm when my leg would relax and I would cry out every 30 minutes or so in my sleep. I'm also not much of a back sleeper, but for right now I am committed to that position. Jeremy was so thoughtful to get me an electric throw blanket which keeps me warm without adding weight to my foot, which would pull on my knee. He's a catch and a half. He even walks around topless with a little black apron to do my bidding. Just kidding, but he is awfully cute.

Alright, so all this sounds pretty doom and gloom. It really has been a sucky week. The good news is these first two weeks are the absolute hardest and I have already made it past week one. Having my family here is monumental. My sister Katherine drove 13 hours to spend over a week helping out. When I say helping out, I mean she has done it all! She cleaned our house, helped make dinners, took me to PT and cheered me on, doesn't mind my particular nature,

gives me space and rest when I need it, and all around makes sure I am set up wherever I am camping out at the moment. I just can't talk enough about how amazing she is. I'm already bummed that I have to give her back to her family because I want to do more fun things together. She is a total treasure.

So what are my goals for the next week? Well, since I actually bought a walker (the loaner didn't work out) it needs some bedazzling. Then Halloween is coming up, so there are some crafts to keep me occupied and I am going to go all Chuck Norris with my PT. Every big transition in your life deserves a theme song, right?! I have pick "Happy" by Pharrell Williams because this pain is temporary, but my life is mine and it is truly happy.

Pre-Surgery Rediness

I had no idea before I got involved in all this how much "pre" stuff was involved. At first when I was booked 2 months out from when my doctor and I decided to pull the trigger on getting this bum knee replaced I thought that seemed like forever. Seriously. By that time I was ready yesterday. Then I found out all the stuff that I had to do to get ready for this surgery. No kidding, there is a checklist and everything, which is kind of exciting if you are a nerdy check list lover like I am. I'm the kind of girl who loves getting ready for vacation as much as the vacation itself. Don't judge me.

My medic ride at the Air Show

First, there were a myriad (double scrabble points for that word) of doctors visits to get done. I'm not just talking about my "Shauna's body eats itself" rheumatology stuff, but things like getting your dental cleaning done. Then there is the girly stuff that girls need to get done before any life event: hair done, brows threaded, new outfits for the hospital. Very important. All this takes time and careful scheduling.

Speaking of shopping, there is a crap load (yes, I'm 12) of toys you have to buy for this surgery. Amazon loves us. Thankfully we have a family member who gave us a "loaner" walker to use. The downside is that I can't bedazzle it like I did my crutches, the upside (besides it being free) is that it has a little chair on it. Super cute. Other random things you have to get include a reacher to grab things and poke your husband if he moves too slowly, a fancy sock putter-onner (I'm sure it has a real name, but remember I'm 12), a raised toilet seat, one of those "As seen on TV" handles to stick on the shower wall, and a cane. The cane I will bedazzle. I was hoping to skimp on some of the stuff until at my pre-op Dr. Kristensen asked "So, you have...." and listed everything. I lied and said yes, then Jeremy ordered them that night. Poop. I seriously thought that was only for the geriatric crowd, but nope. The young and spry need all this crap too. Fine.

Another thing leading up to the surgery is prehab. Yes, I know your joints hurt,

but you have to work that mo-fo out! I have little legs. Always have, always will, which is why I can only handle 4 runs total when we snowboard. Now is no time to slack off on workouts. I found riding my stationary bike at home, or my bicycle around our neighborhood the best. It also helped to get that extra fluid out of my joints after work. Oh, it also is excellent for escaping a hormonal 10 year old girl who just had a bad day at school and wants to inflict her wrath on the parental units. I found I can pedal faster than she can. Just kidding. I leave her at home. You also gotta get your hips and butt strong. At this point you might as well do some ab work too. C'mon girl. Work on that fitness. As a side note we did score a Chuck Norris Total Gym off Craigs List. Sweet. It's a glorified pilates machine. Did you know that Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer? Too bad Chuck Norris doesn't cry.

The last thing to do tonight (my surgery is tomorrow) is my sexy shower kit. I chose the rosemary mint shower kit. Just kidding. I got the eau de chlorhexidine shower kit like everybody else, because MRSA isn't funny, well.... no. It's gross. YouTube it. It's gross. I shower up tonight, shower up tomorrow morning and I'm so fresh and so clean, clean.... that is until I get nervous and start to sweat because I'm not allowed to wear deoderant. Oh! and I had to schedule my shaving 3 days ahead of time! Yeah, ladies. Think that one over. The one thing I am trying to wrap my brain around is the no makeup. Seriously, I do not go ANYWHERE  without makeup. I am a natural blonde so my eyelashes are blonde and I look quite scary without makeup - terminal almost. I don't care that I am vain. I keep trying to justify "tinted moisturizer", "a little mascara", "lip stain". Yeah. I'll probably go for the lip stain and then just pinch my cheeks. 

Today I will feast before midnight, try to relax as much as possible while fanatically getting the house ready and taking Natalia's toys out of the dog's mouth because he has been particularly naughty this week. Jeremy's mom just picked up Natalia and I hugged her a bit tighter and took an extra moment to smell her hair like I always do before I say goodnight. I'm scared for the unknown, but excited to get this season of my busted knee behind me. 

My Total Knee Replacement: In the beginning.....

BSU family + photobomb guy

I'm pretty amazed that I am even at this point right now. A fabulous 30-something and one week away from a total knee replacement. Was I a star athlete? Did I injure my knee running up and down stairs saving puppies from a burning building? Nope. To put it plainly, it is a bit of Darwinism mixed with my normal workouts. As a matter of fact, if you see me running you should run too because something fierce is chasing me. I'm not a runner.

Okay, so some bad genetics (when in doubt blame your mama) handed me some brittle cartilage and a dash of some random autoimmune disease. The beginning of our story takes place on a lovely summer evening in my front yard when I gracefully leapt over our sprinkler so I wouldn't get my socks wet to turn the damn thing off. You should have seen this leap. Gorgeous. When I landed I felt a pop and crazy pain. This was my cartilage popping off my knee. I was barely able to hobble back inside and called hubby to tell him I think I did something bad. This falls into the classification of "go big or go home." Never half-ass anything.

Here we are 14 months later and I am ready to say goodbye to this busted joint. Replacing the joint of someone so young and spry like myself is no small feat. Seriously, this is last resort-ville. This knee has been MRI'd, scoped, injected, braced, therapied, and injected some more. I also shopped around for the perfect doctor. I saw 3 other orthopedists before I settled on the one that I felt totally comfortable handing over this life changing surgery. Enter: Dr. Ron Kristensen. 

As a nurse I can tell you that if you are going to have a big surgery, ask around. It's easier in the nursing world because we not only know people familiar with a docs work, but we get observe their personality too. Mucho important. There is nothing worse than figuring out your doctor is great at what he does, but so socially awkward that you are wondering if he is going to start speaking Elvish at any moment. I cannot stress enough that you need to interview the people who are going to be taking care of you. After asking around, Dr. Kristensen's name kept popping up and I am so glad I had kept shopping. Not only is he known for his mad skills, but you can actually have a conversation with him and not feel like you are afraid to make eye contact. Perfect!

Part of my research was finding other younger people who have had total knee replacements. What I found was, well, not a lot. Most of the information out there was geared toward the geriatric side of life. This inspired me to start a little blog of the down and dirty, what the hell really happens, non-sugar coated view into my knee replacement. Enjoy.