Total Knee Replacement: Week One

Oh my stars I have a lot to tell you guys and some truth to preach on. My surgery went very well. For this procedure, they use an epidural and sedation as opposed to general, which was quite a relief to me. Last time I had general anesthesia I think the person had the hiccups during the ET tube placement and scratched my throat to all hell. This was much better. A little Versed and I didn't really care about the epidural placement or the foley. I even giggled when they asked me to move my leg and I was paralyzed. Oh, and you get a nerve block. I'll come back to that.

Okay, so I'm out of surgery, feeling hungry and since it is SO boring there I

sent Jeremy home. No sense in two of us suffering. I was so excited when I stood up and walked with my new knee a couple hours after my surgery! That bone pain that had been there for over a year was finally gone. Whatever, if I knew then what I know now I would have just patted myself on the head and said "Bless your heart." The next night I was in for a rude awakening. I think that is a pretty adequate term as well - rude. I get that pain is the body's protective mechanism to be mindful, but seriously?! Does it have to hurt THAT much?! My chipper "Can Do" attitude quickly turned to "if you even touch the aura surrounding my leg I will attack you like a feral cat". Enter: Dilaudid.

So I am on pretty heavy narcotics anyway and then my awesome nurse John encouraged me to keep my pain down. All I can say is "Ahhhhhh". Once I knocked it down it was easier to keep it that way. As a nurse, I know this. As a nurse who is a patient I was telling myself "just wait it out and see if it will cool off..... try and be tough..... you don't want to look like one of "those" patients." Yeah, I got over that really quick. Pain is humbling that way. Thank God for nurses who are encouraging, understanding and there to cheer us all on. 

I will add a little side note here - I fixed my hair and makeup every day with the exception of my surgical day and still do now that I am at home. I may feel like

dirt, but I don't have to look like it. I'm going to kick ass recovering from this and look fabulous while doing it. Oh! My favorite moment was when RT came in the room and asked if the patient was in the bathroom because I looked so fabulous. That's right, three snaps in a Z formation, now hand me my incentive spirometer. 

Being launched to home was a blessing and a curse. Now I can get up whenever I want without a "spotter" or having to use a call light and I'm with my family. The downside is no more Dilaudid. Yeah, that sounds sketchy, but I thought the nerve block had worn off but noooooooo. Oh, girl. It was just playin' with me. Lord mercy, it hurts. It hurts so much that Jeremy had to make a call into the doctor for me, we adjusted some dosages and times of my prescribed medications and I felt sane again. It's just a constant balancing act. Some parts

of the day you are great, then you go lay in bed watching reality TV and cruising Craig's List missed connections boards for a laugh. 

I think I should mention going to the bathroom. It's not just the TMI part about having to use a fleets a couple of times (if you don't know what that is, google it. For a better laugh, next time you are at the store check out the directions printed on the outside of the box!), but maneuvering onto the toilet is like tai chi. My surgery leg can't bend yet, I have handles to lower myself down and you  gotta think ahead because this all takes 10 minutes to get there and get into position. Your bladder does not want to give up the goods when your leg is spazzing out. I pretty much pee like a little old lady without the incontinence. 

Sleeping has definitely got better over the past couple days. You'd think with all those narcs on board I would sleep like a baby. Yeah, not so much. My knee would spasm when my leg would relax and I would cry out every 30 minutes or so in my sleep. I'm also not much of a back sleeper, but for right now I am committed to that position. Jeremy was so thoughtful to get me an electric throw blanket which keeps me warm without adding weight to my foot, which would pull on my knee. He's a catch and a half. He even walks around topless with a little black apron to do my bidding. Just kidding, but he is awfully cute.

Alright, so all this sounds pretty doom and gloom. It really has been a sucky week. The good news is these first two weeks are the absolute hardest and I have already made it past week one. Having my family here is monumental. My sister Katherine drove 13 hours to spend over a week helping out. When I say helping out, I mean she has done it all! She cleaned our house, helped make dinners, took me to PT and cheered me on, doesn't mind my particular nature,

gives me space and rest when I need it, and all around makes sure I am set up wherever I am camping out at the moment. I just can't talk enough about how amazing she is. I'm already bummed that I have to give her back to her family because I want to do more fun things together. She is a total treasure.

So what are my goals for the next week? Well, since I actually bought a walker (the loaner didn't work out) it needs some bedazzling. Then Halloween is coming up, so there are some crafts to keep me occupied and I am going to go all Chuck Norris with my PT. Every big transition in your life deserves a theme song, right?! I have pick "Happy" by Pharrell Williams because this pain is temporary, but my life is mine and it is truly happy.